Journey to the center of my laptop: one woman's quest to conquer technology

It turns out this whole computer thing is here to stay. Who knew? Actually, pretty much everyone knew.  So how is it that I managed to completely miss the boat? Well, there was a fair amount of sticking my head in the sand. There was also the I-don't-need-those-fancy-advancements argument during which I defended my only-what-I-need approach to all things technology-related. Then there were the more philosophical arguments which I won't bore anyone with because, let's face it, we both know they were merely a way to mask my sheer terror of the machines that kept multiplying like friggin' rabbits around me.

Ok. So now that the machines are here to stay and multiplying like rabbits, what should I do about it? Obviously, I need to conquer my fear. I need to take the bull by the horns and do all those other cliche things that one does with fear.

I need to finally find out: who lives inside all these machines and how to I take control of them? I will call them my minions. And this blog will chronicle my attempt to learn their ways.

I figure most people reading this are fairly tech-savvy. I mean, you're reading an online blog. I actually have never read any online blogs. However, I've heard about them and from what I can understand from that movie Julie and Julia, they are a very handy way to chronicle some absurd task you've set out to do. I already deboned a duck. Did it after the movie and it did not go well. But y'all missed it and I am not going to do it again so you'll just have to make do with me trying to learn computer science.

Computers and science are the two words I like least in all of academia. As it turns out, I accidentally became a scientist when my genetically imprinted love of animals won out and I became a veterinarian a few years ago. Previous to that, I abhorred all things science-y and avoided that stuff like the plague. Computers are another thing I can't stand. I do begrudgingly admit that they are clever and, when working properly, amazingly helpful. But, in what is part of some innate drive of human nature, we are designed to fear what we don't know and I'm only a crowbar separation from my buddies, Zoolander and Hansel here:

 It turns out, I can't figure out how to insert a video link yet...

major bummer at this moment, since the scene is super funny 

and also accurately portrays my own level of computer skills. 

Again, if you're reading this you're probably more tech-savvy than I am 

so just look it up yourself on YouTube.... I'll catch up eventually...

 

Other than not liking science or computers, a little bit about me: I am a single, 34-year old veterinarian and yes, I am female and on the feminist end of the spectrum which makes my disdain for science and computers a little complicated to defend in that I would love to be "cutting edge" in these fields for the sake of my feminist leanings. I come complete with the requisite cat. I do not think she will make an appearance here, as the addition of a cat to your blog apparently puts it in a whole separate part of the internet world, or so I'm told. However, she will likely be proof-reading as she very much enjoys computers: they make for lovely, warm cat beds.

I decided to make this blog and coincidentally, it is also the first technology-related achievement I'm writing about. It makes this post a little disjointed and circular, I guess, but one has to start somewhere. So how did I accomplish this amazing feat, you may ask? Here's how it went down:

1. I Googled BLOG. Apparently they are online personal journals. Cool.
2. I Googled HOW TO WRITE A BLOG. This is where things get tricky. It turns out the Internet has a lot of stuff on it. I actually Googled several variations on that theme: HOW TO CREATE A BLOG and HOW TO MAKE A BLOG. Lots of links appeared and I did not really feel confident that I should just go clicking around without knowing anything. Bummer.
3. I decided to look for "trusted sources." I defined this as: links that contained something I recognized. Links that did not contain anything I recognized may have been the best, most accurate sources of information in all of the World Wide Web. However, they may have also been links to porn. I try to stay away from inadvertent porn links so it was best to avoid the unfamiliar altogether. Not the most adventurous way to start this process but oh well...
4. PC Mag was a "trusted source" since I had heard of it. I clicked on the link and opened a very nice article that laid out options for blogging websites. I read through these options to see how I should proceed. http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2081842,00.asp 
5. According to the article, Blogger.com website is linked to Google and I know Google very well, as you could tell from my previous Googling. The article also pointed out that this was great for beginners and I definitely fall into that category. I'm feeling pretty proud at this point: I have an idea (blog about how I'm going to learn computer science) and I found a way to execute this idea (sign up for this blogger.com thingy).

This was a lot of work for me and it involved filtering out scary and confusing terms in the PC Mag article like "HTML" so I decided to break for wine. You will find if you follow this blog that there will be many breaks for wine. And cheese.

 

PS: It's doubtful that the links above work. Deal with it: it's a blog about how I'm really bad at technology but going to conquer it anyway. Rome wasn't built in a day so just look forward to the amazing post that will contain the blow-by-blow glorious account of my ability to add links and video clips into the blog. Warning: my first successful video link may be to that shark-cat-on-a-Roomba. Here's a little teaser: 

 

  

Damn. The addition of cat-related content was supposed to be avoided at all costs. 

I can't help it, I'm weak. It was the duckling that tipped things over the edge.

I think it's appropriately balanced by the selection of binary code as the blog background...

Scratch that: the code doesn't make it this far down the page.